apophenian | (wheeze)

I don't care because you'll still be there regardless of the destination. What does it matter what we see when that's not why I agreed to go?

[ he's annoyed now, and clearly so. it might also be the first real inclination of some feelings brimming to the surface for neal to see because he's obviously talking about him. larus doubts it will make much difference now, but it doesn't stop him from pointing out, ] I want to talk about you and why you're bothered by that.

[ he knows dismissal when he sees (and hears) it. ]

I don't know! [ a little of his drink sloshes from his glass as he throws up his free hand. he smacks the spill off his chest and continues to gesture, unfazed. ]

I mean, you could have led with that, first of all! [ eyes narrowed, he blinks at larus like he's spelling 'duh' in morse code. there's a spark to his expression, now, like he's secretly pleased with larus' response but not yet ready to concede any ground. ]

But, like ... maybe I want to go somewhere you think is interesting? Because you never go anywhere, and I want to take you somewhere you find intriguing? Maybe I'm interested in your opinions, and it gets on my nerves that you seem, like, militantly opposed to freakin' having them, much less voicing them? Listen, I know you never get excited about anything, but imagine for a second you did – imagine you got excited about trying to do something fun for someone you ... y'know, care about ... and you kept trying to get that someone to empathize or even emote at you and they just like dismissed you outright and acted like you were being a pain in the ass. Does that sound pleasant?

[ for a long moment, he doesn't say anything.

it's like an increasing pressure in his chest, something that crawls up into his throat to suffocate him. but it's worse than that because he doesn't need to breathe, the discomfort pushing him to clench his jaw before he puts his phone down. he doesn't want to crush it and doesn't want to hang up on him. if all he's become is some unfeeling monster, then why does this bother him so much? ]

It's not like that. [ i'm not like that. ] But I don't think you realize how much it means for me to just... leave, either. It's not as if I haven't thought about it. I have. [ but then, if he did, he'd be giving up the very thing that drives him in this undead life of his. ] So you want my opinion? I don't want to go north because that's where I'm from. I could show you things about me no one else has ever known. And it's the opposite reason I'd rather not go south. Maybe I don't care because I really don't. Whatever you want, I'll do.

[ he reaches for his phone again and looks at him. ]

Never mistake the things I say for apathy. Not between us.

[ neal continues to pout, though a flicker of surprise passes over his expression. that's not exactly the reaction he was hoping to elicit from larus, and it makes him wonder just what that's all about.

as always, though, larus' brand of hyper-serious earnesty melts him, even if he's itching to ask why it's such a bad thing larus could show him things no one else knows. he reminds himself that larus has no idea how to have fun. this is a learning experience and calls for patience.

and he's determined larus is going to have an awesome fucking time even if he has to drag him kicking and screaming into it. ]

Fine. Just ... meet me at the marina tomorrow night.

(wheeze)

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